Curly Hair!

"In times of sorrow, in times of pain, in times of struggle without any gain. God is with me, His presence is near. He is not in the thunder or fire, but a quiet whisper in my ear." Anonymous.

It is His truth and His truth only that gives me the strength to wake up everyday and place my feet on the floor and say, today Lord here are the reigns. I will admit, today has been the hardest day for me. I woke up early so I could be at the hospital early to see and talk to the Dr.'s about baby Bri. As the Dr.'s were talking to me about Brielle she had one of the worst episodes I have ever seen her have. To be positive about the whole thing I am glad there were more than my pair of eyes that witnessed everything. The time I spent with Brielle this morning has been haunting my mind all day. I am constantly wanting to put an answer to her lack of progress but I am at a wall. I have forgotten that her G-tube is not even a week old yet and her feeds are now 20 minutes long and are not being given over 2 hours like she had been receiving before the G-tube. So if I were to step back and look at things maybe they are not as bad as they may seem, but they are still scary. Brielle is maintaining her weight which also gives me reason to believe she may just need more time to recover. She is at a chunky 7lbs 9oz! The Dr.'s did mention possibly moving our discharge date back just to make sure they are making the right decision.

I have been in a funk all day today, even to the point where I am in fear as I walk up to her bed because I do not want to see my baby girl struggling to clear her airway nor do I want to see her food coming out of her nose, sorry for the graphic content. I know that everything that is happening is happening for a reason. I am blinded by my own selfishness and lack of strength to really notice what God is doing right in front of me. I have come to the point where I need to take things one day at a time, that way I do not overlook the things God is doing.

Two wonderful blessings He has given us are only two floors above us. Pat and Li Alford are here in St. Louis in Children's hospital. Pat and her son Li are only 2 from a family of 17 from our Church in Carl Junction, they are a wonderful family, like many other families back home. When I stop and think about it, God has answered our prayers for comfort by having them here. I am not saying that Li's struggles are directly for our benefit but I am saying that through God all things come together for those who love Him (Rom 8:28). Li is in Children's hospital because of his lungs. He has been struggling with lung issues for quite some time now. Today the Dr.'s were intending on putting in a PICC line but Li had a reaction to the anesthesia and they did not proceed with putting the line in. Through all of this the Dr.'s have reevaluated there strategy and are planing on giving Li general anesthesia so they can place the PICC line, because he will be under this anesthesia the Dr.'s will also take a sample, of what Pat called "gunk", from Li's lungs that the Dr.'s have been wanting to do for some time now but have been unable to because they were concerned about Li being under anesthesia. With Pat and Li being here it is like we have received an extra boost of love from home. They came bearing love and encouragement that a lot of you had sent with them, thank you.

I guess once I step back and reassess what happened today I realize God already planned on comforting me on one of the most fearful days I have ever had, not only by having family two floors above us, but also through the bright blue eyes of my baby girl. Brielle is doing very well this evening. Before we left we gave her a bath, changed her diaper, and mommy even played with her a little bit without any spit up! I will not deny shedding tears of grief today, but I willing admit that without the comfort of my Heavenly Father surrounding my heart with the love and support of my wife and all of you who are alongside of us through these battles, I would be in pieces. I am very thankful that God is faithful and that His word stands true even through the worst of trials and the hardest of struggles. We love and appreciate you all very much. We will keep the updates coming.

In His Service,

cody