11.1.10

Hello everyone. It's been a long day, but a good one. I talked with one of Brielle's doctor's today. She affirmed that Brielle does have aspiration pneumonia. They will treat this with antibiotics for 7 days...today was day 2. Then towards the beginning of next week they'll do the surgery that was originally planned for this week. After I got this news, I called Cody right away because he was on his way back to St. Louis because we thought she was going to have surgery tomorrow or Wednesday. After a lot of thinking and praying, we decided it would be best for him to go back home...he was about half way into his trip. He does have class tomorrow afternoon. We're still debating on whether or not he'll come back to StL this week or just stay in Carl Junction. Being away from him is definitely a challenge. I don't know how single moms do it. I have a newfound respect for those moms out there who don't have the support from loved ones. Luckily I have a wonderful husband who is loving and supportive even when we're hours apart and friends and family who are an encouragement.

I was told today from an old friend from back home that I was one of the strongest women she knew....or something like that...I dont' remember word for word. Anyways, I was definitely humbled by that statement. I don't see myself as being strong. I know how weak I can be. I know the numerous times I've doubted and wanted to give up. When you don't feel as though you have anything else left inside of you except to lay down and cry...and sometimes even that doesn't cut it. Sometimes you feel so empty you don't even know how to respond and sometimes you can't. You just sit there feeling as though you aren't even living. So me, strong? Far from it. But then I started thinking. What is strength? I figured I should know since we named our daughter after it. Strength, at least in this aspect, is not an individual thing. I, in all of my being, am not strong. So how do I keep going? Strength is a collective thing...it comes from a joint effort. Strength first and foremost comes from our Heavenly Father because in my weakness, He is made strong. He gives me hope. He is the one who gets me through today. Strength also comes from you. All of you who have kept my family in your thoughts. It's your prayers and encouraging words that keep us going. It's little things like being told you are strong from an old friend you haven't talked to in years...even if you don't necessarily believe it yourself. But to deny the fact that I am strong is a slap in the face to God and to all of you because that is where "my" strength comes from.

So, thank you. Thank you for helping keep Cody and I going when we just want to give up and go home.

-Dianne